So here I am, Monday night, almost 9pm, kid is in bed, wife relaxing and I want to write something, but here's the thing---I got nothing tonight. The blog lately has been a bit on the somber side, due to my Bama's passing & I didn't want to write another sad piece as I promised this blog would have some lighter sides, but lately with everything going on, its's sometimes hard to see that said light.
Literally, this is the fourth attempt at writing something. My original plan tonight was to write a blog entitled- 'What will my funeral be like?' Then with today being May 4th, I wanted to write about 'May the 4th Be With You' & discuss the Star Wars global phenomenon and what other cult classics deserve their own special day with your guys participation.
I'm having a hard time wanting to write something positive as that's just not where my mood is as of late. Today we laid Bama to rest & I have a lot of emotions about it. I'm mad that we didn't get to have a proper wake & funeral for her because she deserved more then what we were able to provide based on the pandemic. I know the people that mattered most were by her side the last week & today but I know there were others who wanted to be there but couldn't.
Making the walk from the hearse to her final resting place today was a walk that will stick with me. During that walk, all the memories that will stick with me forever kept rushing through my head. Happy memories to sad realizations overcame me during that cold brisk walk. Seeing her casket lowered into the ground was tough to watch, but knowing she's laying side by side with her husband, a couple who have been apart of almost 30 years brings a smile to my face even as I type this.
I know they, not just her, they were looking down on all of us today and that they were embracing one another and smiling, and that's how I know she's ok. This day made me think about so much. Things like what will my funeral be like? Who will be there? What will my life's impact be and what will I be remembered for? It's thoughts like that, that make me want to always be a better human being and try to do my best each and every day for my family.
This blog has been a good way for me to express feelings and I'll continue to do that here. I know brighter and happier days are ahead and I'll be looking forward to them. I'll smile, I'll probably have a tear in my eye sometime in the coming days when something makes me think of her, but Bama if you taught me one thing it's this- be strong for your family no matter what, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
I am grateful you are at peace, I am grateful that today, for one last time, we got to talk one final walk together.
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